One of the most challenging parts of my journey with my voice has been a default mode of comparison and competition.
Can you relate?
This is not unusual, especially for women, who are often conditioned to be in opposition to one another, as if there's not enough space for us all, as though we have to prove ourselves and validate ourselves to get certain validation, attention, approval... usually from men.
But in general, I'd say that almost every single person I've ever spoken to about their voice has shared that at one point or another – or ever since they can remember – they've been navigating patterns of comparison and competition.
It can feel crippling sometimes.
Comparison can shut down our voices, contracting the muscles in our bodies so we fold in on ourselves. I know for me, personally, sometimes I feel so triggered I want to crawl out of my skin or act out with deeply-rooted coping mechanisms.
So when we're on the path of empowering our voices, and this arises, what do we do?
Below are some suggestions for how to work with comparison & competition when they arise in your journey. This is not necessarily comprehensive, and you may find that you resonate most with just one or a few.
First, like any pattern, it is important to practice awareness and compassion.
Invite loving kindness towards yourself for experiencing this pattern, rather than pushing it away or making it wrong. After all, this was likely something that took hold in you before you were consciously aware of it.
If you need resources to learn about this kind of awareness practice, I highly recommend the work of Tara Brach.
Then, take care of yourself.
Lean on your resourcing practices of self-care. Do something self-affirming. Oftentimes it can be easy to spiral into unhealthy habits and behaviors as a way to assuage the pain of the wounds and discomfort associated with comparison. Oftentimes shame lurks in this landscape.
Through self-care, you take action to choose yourself. You choose not to abandon yourself. It's how you choose not to allow the story of your perceived inferiority to run the show. It’s how you feel what’s present – maybe shame, self-doubt, fear, resentment – and you transform it into love. Breathe through it and remember that the intensity of a trigger will not last forever and does not need to take over your life... because you are there for yourself, 110%.
Stay curious.
The growth mindset is one in which we are curious and open to our experience. What is it that I am learning about myself here? What part of me is needing my love? What part of me needs deeper attention and love? What happens if I just soften into allowing this sensation without the story?
Sing, sound, create.
Take a moment (or several) to express your voice, whether you are simply expressing the emotions with raw sound, or you decide to do a humming practice or toning your heart to ground and come home within. This is a great time to work with practices for self-love and sovereignty, since comparison often leaks our energy as we over-fixate on someone / something outside ourselves.
Plus, connecting with your voice in an embodiment practice can keep you grounded in your body and physicalize your commitment to yourself. It literally keeps you connected.
You may even feel the desire to sing a song (or write one) as medicine for this moment, something you can take with you in life. Which leads me to the next thing...
Create a personal, embodied practice of self-affirmation and self-belief.
Somatic memory is powerful. Practice embodying mantra, song or an affirmation (could even include movement) that helps you connect with the part of you that feels sovereign, strong and centered in the truth of your gifts.
I highly recommend integrating an embodied self-belief practice/song/spoken mantra into your daily life.
It can also help to work with someone experienced in Internal Family Systems, Somatic Experiencing or other inner parts work to identify the parts of you that are involved in the comparison and competition wounds, who need your support. And…you can create songs and affirmations that speak and sing directly to them (or for them)!
GET OUT ON THE EARTH.
Sit under and lay your back upon a big ol’ tree. Get your barefeet or your hands in the soil, on the land. Lay down on our Mother Earth and let yourself be held. Hike a mountain. Breathe in the scent of the natural world. Expand your awareness to remember that you are not alone… and that your soul journey is so much bigger than this comparison drama.
Open to the possibility that ALL of us are notes in the Great Symphony of All Creation. Would you judge a hummingbird against a mourning dove?
Reach out for support.
It can help SO much to communicate what is going on for you with someone you trust who can witness and hold you in your vulnerability.
You can also reach out to the unseen realms. It may be your Higher Power – whether that be called Spirit, Creator, God, Goddess, Source, etc. Perhaps you call in the support of your spiritual guides, plants or a team of unseen helpers.
I also recommend finding a peer counselor, mentor, therapist or coach to support you so you can receive support in a long-term process, if that feels like it would be beneficial.
CONNECT WITH YOUR “WHY”.
To what are you devoted in this life? What are you cultivating or creating? What ignites your soul? Do you have a feeling or knowing of your life purpose or soul path that you can turn towards?
Let yourself get lit on your own path and feed that – instead of feeding the wound or story that is saying you’re “not good enough” or “not doing enough”. You are right where you need to be. You are on a beautiful journey of life unfolding. You are on a riveting journey of uncovering your genius and making a masterpiece of your life.
Take a social media break.
This might not apply to you, but for many of us, comparison gets kicked up big time from social media. Notice your relationship with those platforms. Give yourself some time off to be with yourself, your life, your gifts and the natural world.
And remember – you are not just an avatar, and neither is anyone else… Social media is SO distorted and can make us think everyone else is living their best lives all the time and we suck. Don’t buy that nonsense.
and remember…
Most likely, comparison and competition will be present in your vocal empowerment journey in some form or another. So rather than trying to "FIX" it or "RELEASE" it – judging it as wrong, impure, an obstacle to be defeated (which actually feeds it) – you can embrace it as an opportunity to learn, grow and love.
This is how you can actually experience more freedom in your voice… and in your life.
This kind of approach can actually strengthen your commitment to yourself so that you become more courageous and confident over time. This is how you can grow strong roots, firmly ANCHORED in your value and self-worth.
If you feel this supported you in any way, let me know by reaching out via the contact page. I love to dialogue about these topics, especially this one (which I recognize has so much more nuance and layers I didn’t even mention here).
Want personalized support on your vocal empowerment journey?
If you desire more support around comparison/competition or anything else related to healing through vocal embodiment (including song channeling/crafting), I'm here to support!
I offer 1:1 Soul Voice Alchemy sessions, mentorships + more.
Learn more about what I offer here.
Note: Currently, I typically work with women-identified folks, but if you identify as a man and still feel strongly called to work with me, I’m open to feeling into whether there is alignment.
“It is we who are abandoning our commitment to ourselves every time we compare ourselves unfavorably to another. Every time we stop listening to our heart’s song. Every time we give away too much admiration and leave ourselves with a deficit.
Naturally, the antidote to shame is to risk showing up as fully as we’re able. The discipline needed for shame is to practice revealing yourself. It is bringing into the open the full brightness of your spirit, despite your fear of failure. It is to brave your secret gifts into the open. It is revealing your fears to trusted others, allowing them to be assuaged. It is reaching out when you’d rather hide. It’s asking for help when you feel abandoned.”